Today is the 8 year anniversary of the death of a dear dear friend. Jeffrey Allen Mayfield passed away on 4-13-2003; that day and those following weeks are something I will never forget and something that will haunt my thoughts for as long as I live.
8 years is a long time. Enough time that I am finally gaining perspective and accepting what happened.
At 21 years old, Jeff's death was the first I had ever dealt with. I had never lost a grandparent, a family member, or any other loved one. That day, I lost someone just as dear to me as a family member, someone who was a part of my life, and someone who I never expected to lose. It was something that I didn't know how to deal with; I didn't know I could hurt so much, or that I would carry that pain for so long.
8 years, and I am finally gaining some perspective, forgiving God/nature/the river/the rock, and accepting that while he is gone, part of him is still here in all of us who knew him. For the first time I am seeing things differently.
Carl and I moved not long after Jeff died, we gradually lost touch with many of our friends and those who we mourned Jeff's death with... and I regret that. We were a community who shared a loss together, who leaned on one another, who embraced, supported, and shared our love and pain together. Each year as the weather turns warmer, and Spring comes to us, I think of those people who were there over those weeks. I think of those friends I haven't seem or heard from, those we all have lost contact with, and those I still connect with... I remember the pain of 14 days of searching, I remember the relief and hurt after the recovery, and most of all, I remember Jeff.
Jeff was someone who embraced life in everything that he did. He very rarely wasn't smiling or laughing. He truly saw joy in everything about life. He could make anything funny, and make anyone feel wonderful.
The last two days I have been thinking about that trait of his, and I realized today, that I don't embrace life they way which Jeff showed us. I need to. If nothing else, his legacy to me, and my family, should be one of joy, smiles, and loving life for all it is.
Here is my promise to both myself, and the memory of Jeff... I will set aside time each day to smile, reflect, and embrace the day. I will look for the good in everything, no matter how hard it is to find, and at sometime each day, I will make time to do something that I love.
I love and miss you Jeff. The gift of life is something that I realize cannot be taken for granted, and your death/remembering your life showed me that... Thank you.
Thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for being who you were.
Thank you for showing all of us what life should and can be.
Rest in peace friend, know that you were loved, and will never be forgotten... and know that while I wrote this, while the tears roll down my cheeks, that I am smiling at your memory and remembering your smile.
4 comments:
This is great! You nailed it in every way! He is dearly loved and missed! Miss you Uncle Jeffy!
Jeffy is my younger brother. Therefore, he is a brat. Then, we grow up and become friends. However, I never really knew my brother until after he died. Its because of friends like you and others that showed my who my brother really was. I still to this day after 8 years still mourn the loss of my brother and the loss of never knowing him like you all did.
You know the saying..."you don't know what you have til its gone". I hate that saying because it is so true. Jeffy is gone and I will never be able to have the relationship with him that I dream of.
How about this saying..."don't let a day end without telling your loved ones (family and friends) you love them because another day my never come..." I hate that one too because I never took the opportunity to tell my brother I love him.
I don't think I have accepted or come to terms with his death. I just tell myself he just lives so far away. Sometimes when I go outside in the any season I close my eyes, breathe in the mountain air, and imagine he is there with me. Then I smile. As soon as I open my eyes I cry realizing that he is not and never will be.
I am just so thankful for the memories and pictures of Jeffy. He is just so beautiful. All I want to do is hug my brother and kiss his face. I love you, Jeffy and I miss you so terribly much!
What a lovely tribute, Lisa Marie. I didn't know Jeff very long, but I remember his wonderful laugh and his friendliness. You're wise to treasure the memories you have of him.
Thank you Lisa Marie. No words can express how much I miss him. He was so much a part of me and my children's life. He was my dearest friend, and creative partner in crime. I would not be the woman I am today if I had not known him. He introduced adventure, laughter, and free spirit, which is what I have always been, he just managed to teach me how to incorporate it in everyday life.
People often ask me why I am always such a happy bird. My answer is this....I feel like I am a rock which has been tumbled around in a very fast moving river. The more I get tumbled the smoother I get. This life is transient and extraordinary, and I wouldn't change a thing!
Much gratitude to you for this beautiful post. I still look back on that time frame as one of the most remarkable, energetic, and loving 14 days of my whole life.
Miss you, love you!
Jen
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