Remembering, Accepting, Forgiving, and Embracing.
Today is the 8 year anniversary of the death of a dear dear friend. Jeffrey Allen Mayfield passed away on 4-13-2003; that day and those following weeks are something I will never forget and something that will haunt my thoughts for as long as I live.
8 years is a long time. Enough time that I am finally gaining perspective and accepting what happened.
At 21 years old, Jeff's death was the first I had ever dealt with. I had never lost a grandparent, a family member, or any other loved one. That day, I lost someone just as dear to me as a family member, someone who was a part of my life, and someone who I never expected to lose. It was something that I didn't know how to deal with; I didn't know I could hurt so much, or that I would carry that pain for so long.
8 years, and I am finally gaining some perspective, forgiving God/nature/the river/the rock, and accepting that while he is gone, part of him is still here in all of us who knew him. For the first time I am seeing things differently.
Carl and I moved not long after Jeff died, we gradually lost touch with many of our friends and those who we mourned Jeff's death with... and I regret that. We were a community who shared a loss together, who leaned on one another, who embraced, supported, and shared our love and pain together. Each year as the weather turns warmer, and Spring comes to us, I think of those people who were there over those weeks. I think of those friends I haven't seem or heard from, those we all have lost contact with, and those I still connect with... I remember the pain of 14 days of searching, I remember the relief and hurt after the recovery, and most of all, I remember Jeff.
Jeff was someone who embraced life in everything that he did. He very rarely wasn't smiling or laughing. He truly saw joy in everything about life. He could make anything funny, and make anyone feel wonderful.
The last two days I have been thinking about that trait of his, and I realized today, that I don't embrace life they way which Jeff showed us. I need to. If nothing else, his legacy to me, and my family, should be one of joy, smiles, and loving life for all it is.
Here is my promise to both myself, and the memory of Jeff... I will set aside time each day to smile, reflect, and embrace the day. I will look for the good in everything, no matter how hard it is to find, and at sometime each day, I will make time to do something that I love.
I love and miss you Jeff. The gift of life is something that I realize cannot be taken for granted, and your death/remembering your life showed me that... Thank you.
Thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for being who you were.
Thank you for showing all of us what life should and can be.
Rest in peace friend, know that you were loved, and will never be forgotten... and know that while I wrote this, while the tears roll down my cheeks, that I am smiling at your memory and remembering your smile.
